I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
