So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
