Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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