Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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