I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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