If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
