In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
