Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
