you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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