I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
