My first STD was from a foam party
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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