I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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