too bad you live with your parents still
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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