I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
