very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
