look no pants
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
