I could make wine with my vomit
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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