I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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