the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
