I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
