She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
