So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
