Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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