I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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