News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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