Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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