Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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