Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
