need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.