I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015