My liver just broke up with me...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND