My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy