I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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