That's intense
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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