She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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