'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
