you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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