Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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