Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
