My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
