You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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