im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
