Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
50% drunk capacity currently
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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