Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
