she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
