I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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