Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
