You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
