It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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