fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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