The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
COCAINE IS GR8
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
