ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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