I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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