dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
