Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
