so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
