Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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