'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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