Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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