this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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