Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
