nut hugger
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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