Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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