was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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