Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
