if i died would you start the facebook group?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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