i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this will be a night to untag.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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