I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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