bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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