I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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